here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
