there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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