I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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