I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
