No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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