just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
