Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize