im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
