I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
