Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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