Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
