So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize