Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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