'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
This baby is an asshole
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
