omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
