booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
