I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
