Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
