I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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