it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
