we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize
