She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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