How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
