I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize