my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
