not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize