I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
