D3 body, D1 cock
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
