i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
