insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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