he wants to bone in the snuggie
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
