I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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