Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I would fuck him just for his dog
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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