it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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