I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
this will be a night to untag.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
