can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
