KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
