Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
