I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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