who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
