Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
