I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
