i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
