Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
