After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
