Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just saw a hot homeless man
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you had me at cake vodka
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
