Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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