Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Fuck appropriateness.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
