My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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