I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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