the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize