Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
