You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
