my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
YAS. BRING CRAB.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
