The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Randomize