Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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