she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
