i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
