thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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