She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
