his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I have aggressive nipples.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
