I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
