Cold hands, warm shart.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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