I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
