Well douche your snatch and let's go!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
