guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
