I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
