I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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