i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
