People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
