Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
