I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
