I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
