Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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