Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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