Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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