She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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